I Have Not Arrived

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI have not arrived

For the journey has just begun.

Oft I am weak and weary,

In the shadows, am undone.

–     –     –

I am a work in progress

The destination still in play.

Regret and disappointment

Often mar the traveled way.

–     –     –

Perfection far exceeds me

Far down the path it dwells.

Never grasping, always reaching,

All ‘round the shadow swells.

–     –     –

But in the distant twilight

Hanging in the shady nether,

A lamp is waiting yonder,

Reaching out beyond the tether.

–     –     –

Birds of carrion hover ‘round me,

At my heels, nip fear and galling.

Stumbling forward, I blunder onward,

All the while, the Master’s calling.

–     –     –

Words of comfort Jesus whispers,

In my ear, throughout the day.

“Stand thou fast and do not falter,

Darkness ends, for dawn holds sway.”

–     –     –

“Out of sorrow, hope is springing,

From your weakness, strength abounds.

Ever press you forth to journey,

Each step moves t’ward holy ground.”

–     –     –

“Soon the trials of life be over.

Then the day will e’er be won.

Rest awaits you ‘round the corner,

But for now, keep moving on.”

–     –     –

I strain to see the far illumine

I can almost hear them sing

Crying out in joyful tribute,

“Holy, holy is the King.”

–     –     –

Rest awaits me ‘round the corner,

So for now, I am revived.

I am a work in progress,

For I have not arrived.

~ Susan

 

Even This Day

I wasn’t going to do this today. I was planning on just getting through the day.

Yet as I distracting myself with the daily routine of living, this verse crossed my mind, “This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

And I said to myself, “Yes, even today.”

Fourteen years ago today, at 9:37 am, my father lost his life. September 11, 2001 was a day of sorrow and terror. Even so, I have found hope. It was not all evil that day, but love and support, hope and encouragement.

Several years ago I wrote an article for the Dalhart Texan. The response I received was overwhelming. In fact, it was this article that inspired me to write my book, SILENT RESOLVE AND THE GOD WHO LET ME DOWN.

And so I thought this day, today, that the Lord has made, I would share it with you.

 

*                   *                   *

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life.

Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out

death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

 

Thoughts on September 11

            The events of September 11, 2001 mark a change in my life. On that day my precious father, Stanley R. Hall, was ripped from this world as American Airlines flight 77 plummeted into the Pentagon in Washington DC. Numb and dazed we walked those first months. FBI agents, memorials, honors given, all a haze of lost senses. As we traveled by car to Virginia that night, the skies were silent, empty and dark. The amazing thing about the night sky without planes, the stars are more notable. It was as though the magnificence of God’s majesty shined the brighter for the lack of man’s influence upon the heavens. Beyond this world, there lies goodness that cannot be touched by evil.

 

            “The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope    returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.”

                                                                        ~J.R.R. Tolkien

 

September, 11, 2001, a day like any other, began as a beautiful fall day, the air fresh, the sun warm, and the skies clear. As always the children and I began our day with our Bible study. The day’s subject was Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. In discussing the three being placed into the fiery furnace for their unwavering faith in God, I made the cryptic statement that no matter what happens in our life, even when we go through the fiery furnace, still we must follow the Lord. I did not know that at that very moment my own life would be put through the furnace and my words tested. But I think the key is in the word “through”, for we do go through, we do not stay in the furnace. There is an end to our trouble if we stand firm. For even as the three young men stood within the flames of the furnace, they were not alone, but a fourth stood beside them. We are not alone. And so I say “even so” I will serve the Lord.

“For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The LORD is my helper; I will not fear.What can man do to me?’”

                                                                       Hebrews 13:5-6

 

So what then can man do to me? For the keeper of my soul watches me. Though God’s protection is not always for our bodies, it is a constant for our souls. And in the end, it is our final home that is most important. This mortal coil which we cling to so ardently is not what it is all about. Yet when one that is loved is taken, we cannot help but look back at what has been lost. Memories haunt our thoughts, they sneak up and jar us unawares, then the heart ache grabs us and grief spills out as we melt into a puddle of emotion.

Memories, those distant thoughts that bind us to our past, cause so much pain, and comfort. I miss the sound of his footsteps upon the wood floor as he came home each night. I miss the soft creak of the stairs late at night when all others had gone to bed. His sneezing in the morning, the look upon his face as he silently sat and watched as the family gathered. His “how about that” so often said, his meaning clear “I love you.” I miss his resolve to lead a life of integrity, and honor, and steadfastness, his quiet and resolute spirit to follow God where ever He led, to whatever end. There is no question in my mind that on the morning of September 11th that my dear father followed God and entered into his glory.

My father was a patriot. Often a tear could be seen tracing a path down his cheek when the national anthem was played. Forever the flag, those beautiful stars and stripes, will be etched into my mind as a symbol of loss, of freedom, of pride.

 

 Flags flying, bold stripes of red and white,

Brilliant stars of freedom’s might,

Remind us all that freedom is

Bought with a precious price.

 

The terrible acts on September 11th demonstrate to us that freedom is not guaranteed. How fragile we hold it, knowing that its loss is but one generation away. We must never forget all who have sacrificed so much down through the ages, and are those paying for our freedoms still.

Yet when the cost is placed upon your own life, it is hard to bear. As we think upon the evil that runs ramped in this world it is easy to rise up and cry out, “Why God?” just as the prophet Habakkuk did as the Babylonian army marched on Jerusalem in 605BC.

 

 O LORD, how long shall I cry, And You will not hear? Even cry out to You, “Violence!” And You will not save.

You are of purer eyes than to behold evil, And cannot look on wickedness. Why do You look on those who deal treacherously,  And hold Your tongue when the wicked devours A person more righteous than he?”

                                                                                    Habakkuk 1:2; 1:13

 

Yet who can know the mind of God? God created man with free will, but this gift comes with a price. Man often uses his free will to choose evil. As long as we live upon this earth, the free will of man will touch our lives for good or for ill.

So what did God say in reply to the prophet’s question?

 

                     “Look among the nations and watch—Be utterly astounded! For I will work a work in your days Which you would not believe, though it were told you.”

                                                                                    Habakkuk 1:5

 

So I wait on the Lord.

 

  “I will stand my watch And set myself on the rampart, And watch to see what He will say to me, And what I will answer when I am corrected.”

                                                                                    Habakkuk 2:1

 

There is a comfort even in tragedy if one walks according to God’s will. “For the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Psalm 37:23), therefore each step taken must pass before the sanction of God. With the Lord’s ultimate control, the fabric of His plan is woven, each of His children being a single thread. It is a strange comfort to know that nothing can befall you without God’s approval. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) This is not to say that all things are good, but that they work to the good of our future, to fulfill the ultimate good of God’s plan – a plan of Redemption for humanity.

As I stand on the brink of a new day, looking to the east as the golden orb opens her eye above the horizon; I feel her warmth upon my face. Her radiant beams reach out across the skies and chase the dark of night away. So too I stand and wait upon God’s Son as he illuminates my new day with His warmth and love. And so I place my trust in Him, the Keeper of life, the Strength of my soul.

 

“I wish none of this had happened.”

“So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them

to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that

is given us.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

 

Sometimes the path is difficult, and we grow weary and we wish we did not have to face what lies ahead. No one can know our hurts and our sorrows. Yet the Lord knows, for He has walked this path before us. All we must do is follow Him through. Though that path may be slick and we may stumble, the Lord has gone before us and marked the way.

Life continues, the young grow, the seasons pass, yet one is missing. But he waits for me – I will join him in glorious reunion. His life has been a testimony of faith for me to follow. He lived his Silent Resolve. So I face a new day as I “haul up the morning” and though the morning may seem distant I stand firm knowing that the night must always give way to the dawn.

The books will be balanced – but not in our time, in God’s time.

 

 “For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.”

Habakkuk 2:3

 

Forever Changed

      As summer closes, and the fresh scent of autumn brushes against the dawn, my thoughts are pulled back to a day the changed everything for me. This week marks the 14th anniversary of September 11. I am often asked to describe what happen to me that day, of how I found out that my family was so personally involved in that tragedy. It has been a long and difficult road, but one I freely share.  Here is the first chapter in the record of my journey. May we never forget.

book cover 1

Episode 1 – Forever Changed

It seemed a thousand years ago

and on the other side of the world.

                                    ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

 

How do I begin? How do I tell the tale of all that has happened? Ten years it has been, as I sit here trying to put down the thoughts and feelings that have occurred since that day. It seems insurmountable to place into words all that has transpired, yet I feel a need to try. So how do I begin?

It is a tale wrought with anguish and woe, and yet, as I look back, as I walked in the dark path of suffering, I see more clearly that it is also a tale that has always been a Pharos that shone upon the way, though I could not see it at the beginning. But it was there, always there summoning me, as a beacon of light piercing the darkness, calling out to me from around the bend. All I needed to do was take a few more steps, and then I would have seen it. That is how it often is when trials come. We are blinded by our sorrow and fear to all that is available to help us. And so it happened.

God let me down. It was a beautiful morning. The sun shone brightly. A faint breeze brushed through leaves painted with gold and red, whispering of autumn. The blush of day was still and silent, as though inhaling a breath and holding onto it, waiting to exhale. Suddenly, the sound of engines roaring broke through the air, growing ever louder. In an instant, no life would be the same; my life would never be the same.

The events of September 11, 2001, mark a change in my life. On that day, my precious father, Stanley R. Hall, was ripped from this world as American Airlines Flight 77 plummeted into the Pentagon in Washington, DC. Numb and dazed, we walked those first months. FBI agents, memorial services, honors given, all a haze of lost senses.

How did we become entangled in this? How did my family get caught up in this conflict? I cannot answer these questions. All I know is that I am forever changed, marked by the wound of that day. I look back at pictures taken before September 11 and think, that was before, when we were innocent, before everything changed. I see myself as a different person than the woman in those photographs. Life is much more serious now. A shadow of mourning hovers over me each day. Living with grief is hard. The moment I realized my father was aboard the plane was like being slapped in the face for no reason. My breath escaped me. My chest constricted, crushing me with the weight of loss. For days, I was unable to swallow, except to swallow the grief.

That morning, I was ignorant of what was happening outside the walls of my bustling household. I was busy preparing for the day. Besides homeschooling my three children, I had just taken on the responsibility of running the children’s program at our church. I had planned to spend that beautiful September morning working at church, preparing the children’s church room. I was in the process of packing the car to make ready for the week’s activities, taking schoolwork for the kids, when the phone rang.

The phone rang. If only I had not picked it up, I could have stayed the sorrow that was to follow. But I did pick it up; ignorant of what lay before me with the words that would soon follow my cheerful hello.

“Where’s Daddy?” my brother asked, urgency in his voice.

Confusion swept over me. My brother was in Rochester, New York. Why was he calling me? My father lived in Virginia. How should I know where he was at that moment?

“Turn on the TV. Don’t you know the world’s coming to an end?” he cried.

He told me he had tried to call our mother, but all the lines were down in Virginia. He couldn’t get through to her.

I reached for the remote and turned on the TV. Horror filled my eyes as the news broadcast the planes flying into the World Trade Center. Then, as the nation let out a collective gasp, the towers collapsed. A cloud of dust and debris filled the city. All those people. Tears streamed from my eyes, yet I had no idea that our family would be pulled so personally into this tragedy. Then word came that the Pentagon had been struck. My father often worked in the Pentagon. My heart paused.

Through his company’s headquarters in Virginia, my husband was able to get through to my mother. She told us that my father was safe, for his plane to California had left earlier that morning. That was when fear began to take me. While I calculated events as the newscast pronounced them, I began to realize that the timing of the plane’s takeoff might mean that he was not safe. I held my breath.

Just as my mother was looking up my father’s flight itinerary, the newscast stated that Flight 77 had been the plane that crashed into the Pentagon. My husband repeated my mother’s words as I entered his office to tell him which flight it had been. I heard him say those words, words etched in my memory. “Flight 77.” I took in a breath. I wanted to scream. No. It couldn’t be. God would not let this happen to my father, he was always okay. He was the one who always took care of us. Nothing could happen to him. He would surely call and say, “Guess what happened to me on the way to the airport?”

My husband looked sorrowfully into my eyes and with a broken voice said, “I’m so sorry.” Horror struck, I returned his gaze. My mother hung on the phone. He must have told her that it was my father’s flight that crashed into the Pentagon, but I do not recall what followed. I stood aghast, unbelieving. Then I thought of my mother listening on the other end of the phone. What do I do?

I ran from the room. I did not want my mother to hear me sobbing. My first thought was that life was over. In an instant, the culmination of all my hopes and dreams came crashing down. There was no need to go on. Nothing would be the same. I did not care what happened to me. Death could take me. That would be all right. My heart was hollow, echoing of loss, each breath a struggle, each moment something to endure. What was the point of going on? All was lost. It was over.

Overcome, I collapsed on the floor. My two oldest children, then ten and six, ran over and wrapped their precious little arms around me, the remnant of him. Confused, they held their sobbing mother as I cried, “No, no, no” over and over again.

As I knelt there on the floor, cradling my body within my arms, I told myself, pull it together. You are carrying on for no reason. Daddy is going to call. We don’t even know for sure if he was aboard the plane. Stop crying and stand up. You are getting ahead of yourself. But what if it were true? What if he was dead? It was beyond my comprehension. After a time, I got up. I had to get control of myself. My little ones needed me.

I went to my husband and asked, “What do I do?”

He looked at me and said, “Pack your suitcase.”

Puzzled, I returned his gaze for a moment and then asked, “What do I put in a suitcase?”

I have spent my life traveling, packing many suitcases, but in that moment, I had forgotten. Numb, I turned and went upstairs. Previously, I had purchased a black dress. As of then, I had not had an occasion to wear it. I laid the dress upon the bed next to my suitcase. I refused to pack it. Black dresses were what you wore to funerals. The dress wouldn’t be needed; I knew my father would call. He just couldn’t get through. The phone lines were down. That was all. But the call never came.

My husband was finally able to contact the airlines. The representative confirmed that my father had checked in, but could not establish that he had actually boarded the plane. I knew he had. He would not have checked in and not boarded. Finally, I carefully placed my new black dress inside the suitcase and closed the lid. That was that. This is what it is.

All I could think was get to Mother. She was alone. We were in Texas; she was in Virginia. Never before had I felt so far away. My uncle lived in Maryland, my sister also; only an hour’s drive away from my mother’s house, but Washington, DC was shut down. The Beltway was closed. There was no easy way for anyone to get from Maryland to Virginia. She was all alone. All planes were grounded. There was nothing else to do but drive the long hours to Virginia.

I called my close friend to tell her what had happened and to let her know we were leaving town. Stunned, she asked if she could come over to be with me. I told her no. I was afraid that if she came to comfort me I would fall apart. I had to be strong. I had much to do, and I could not afford to break down. There would be time enough to grieve, but at that moment, I had to get to Virginia.

Hours slipped by. By late afternoon, it was reported that Al-Qaeda, a terrorist group of radical Muslims, claimed responsibility for the attacks. With this added knowledge, we began to prepare for the trip. We needed to get the car in good order. Anesthetized by shock, I dropped my husband off to run an errand, and then I took the car to get the oil changed. As the kids and I waited in the lobby, the news was on the TV, showing us over and over again the unfolding of terror. There was the Pentagon, its walls collapsed and burning. How could my father be in the midst of those flames? I looked away. The shop had a LEGO table set up, so I watched the kids build towers with the blocks as I held my eleven month old in my lap.

“Look, Mommy,” they called, “our planes are crashing into the buildings.”

A shock wave ran down my body. But I let them play, aware they were trying to make sense of the senseless, trying to come to terms with what their innocent eyes were forced to witness. Their lives would never be the same. They would have to live in this world, now so touched by hate.

In the stillness that followed September 11, the silent emptiness filled us with the stunned awe of disbelief. How could anyone do such a thing, such a terrible thing? How can we live in a world so full of hate?

So we drove, twenty-three hours stopping only for food and fuel. Twenty-three hours with three children, one of them a baby, cramped for what seemed like endless hours in the backseat. There was not a sound of complaint, not a whimper of discomfort as the hours stretched on through the night and into the opening of the next day. We kept the radio off, shutting our minds from the events that had occurred. The car was silent; the skies were dark, the hours rolled by. I sat stunned in my seat.

My aunt and uncle from Maryland finally made it through DC and stayed with my mother for a few hours until my brother from New York arrived. We finally reached my mother’s house on the afternoon of the twelfth. We came through the door tired and grieved. We fell into waiting arms, clung to one another, and sobbed.

How strange to walk this earth after death had come. I had experienced death before. Working as an oncology nurse, I had often held the hand of cancer patients as they slipped from this world into the next. It always struck me how surreal are the moments after death. How can the world and its people carry on as though nothing had happened? It is like looking through a lens, watching the events of life unfolding, yet without being part of it. In that moment, life stands still for the grieved, yet the rest of the world continues its pace through time uninterrupted. I wanted to shout, “What are you doing? Don’t you know someone has died? How can you go on as though nothing has changed?”

Well-meaning people would tell me, “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.” They would hug me or pat my back as though they could wipe away the sorrow. But how could everything be okay? You cannot fix everything. You cannot undo death. How will this ever be okay?

How do you go back?

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there ‘is’ no going back? There are some things time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep … that have taken hold.” ~ Return of the King

    *     *     *

The story continues in SILENT RESOLVE AND THE GOD WHO LET ME DOWN (a 9/11 story). I hope you will join me in this journey, to see what is was that God revealed to me. May it be a light to you when your way is dark.

~ Susan

Finding Joy in the Absence of Happiness

Happiness…People are always looking for happiness. But happiness is fleeting. Happiness is conditional. It is in response to what is occurring in our lives that makes us happy. Let’s face it, sometimes there is nothing to be happy about.

Joy is what we should seek. Joy comes from within. It is constant. Even in the worst of situations, when there is no happiness to be found, we can experience joy.

Jesus said, “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11

But how does one obtain joy?tumblr_m4avwpwxhL1r1o6z3o1_500

Philippians chapter four gives us a look at how we, as Christians, can have joy in the absence of happiness.

Look at verses four through five:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”

So the first thing we must do is to rejoice always! Not just when we feel good about life, but in every situation. Not an easy thing to do! Sometimes, we just want to feel sorry for ourselves, to pout. Sometimes we want to wallow in our grief. I know, I have been there. But Paul tells us to rejoice anyway.

Next, we are instructed to let our gentleness be evident to all. Our gentleness….not our impatience, or roughness, or sharp tongued better than thou attitude. When I am happy, no problem. But what happens when I am mad, or sad? Can I still maintain an air of gentleness, meekness, and patience? Ah, that is the challenge.

Let me get this straight, Paul says we are to rejoice even when we don’t fell like rejoicing, and be kind when we don’t feel like being kind. How is that possible?

Moving on, verse six and seven give us more insight into this troubling guidance.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Do not be anxious about anything. Easy, right?

Let’s look deeper.

Take the word anxious. What do we know about that word?

The dictionary says that it is mental distress or to be greatly worried.

So verse six says – do not be anxious, or rather don’t worry. Even better – don’t worry about anything! Ever! How can we do that when there is so much to worry about?

Paul goes on to tell us how.

By prayer and supplication – wait. Supplication? What does that mean?

Supplication – humble prayer, entreaty, or petition

It just means to ask.

“You do not have because you do not ask.” James 4:2

So just ask. Ask God in every situation, no matter how big or how small, ask Him.

But there is a catch.

We are to ask Him with a thankful heart. Thanking Him even before we receive an answer.

Then what will happen?

Verse seven goes on to say that God will give us peace, peace greater than our understanding. This does not mean He gives us what we want, but whatever His answer, we will have peace.

This peace guards our hearts and minds.

Think of it this way- our heart is our soul. Our mind is our knowledge and feelings.

Why do we need to guard them?

The enemy is out there trying to make us afraid. Trying to make us doubt God. He will constantly try to make us stumble, to put bad thoughts in our minds – thoughts of self-doubt, depression, self-hate.

If we take everything to God, and give it all to Him, He gives us peace, and the devil has no power over our soul or our thoughts. But we have to obey God always and seek His will, not our own.

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” James 4:3

Okay, so we are to rejoice in every situation, be kind and gentle, and give all our worries to God. That is quite a list. But Paul gives us another step toward finding joy. Verse eight tells us to think upon only what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. If anything can be found that is praiseworthy, dwell on that.

“The best memory is that which forgets nothing, but injuries. Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust.” Persian Proverb

If you do as you have learned from Paul, the God of peace will be with you. He will grant you peace. And where there is peace, there is found joy. Joy that permeates into your very being. Even in the face of trauma and trials, joy fills your heart with the peace that passes all understanding.

Lastly, Paul demonstrate to us this peace as he writes:

“For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:11-12

Contentment in all situations, knowing that God is in control, that He supplies every need, and that He walks beside us through the fires of adversity.

And here in verse thirteen, Paul gives us the answer to how we can do what is necessary to obtain this joy beyond measure.

“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

It is not by our strength, but through God’s strength that we are able to experience joy even in the dark valleys of life. No matter what disappointments or trials you must face, give it all to God. Let Him work it out in His way and in His time. Don’t hold on to your burden, but leave it at the cross. Then your heart will be open to experience true joy.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 19

~ Susan

I have faced dark days. On September 11, 2001, my father was killed by terrorists. In the aftermath that followed, my faith was shaken to its very foundation. Through it all, God has shown me His benevolent nature as He walked each step with me. Truly, there is joy in the Lord.

Join me as I share with you a message of hope: SILENT RESOLVE AND THE GOD WHO LET ME DOWN (a 9/11 story).

Press Toward the Goal

8170164_f260“Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord.” Philippians 3:1

Philippians chapter three brings us a final word from Paul. Here the apostle exhorts us to rejoice in the Lord.

Then, a warning…beware of dogs, of evil doers, and the mutilation.

Dogs devour – in ancient Israel, dogs were not considered cute little pets, but scavengers that prey on the weak. As Christians, Paul implores us to watch out for those who would exert a harmful influence over us, to deceive us and lead us astray. Not every evil doer is obvious. Some manipulate the truth and cause us to stumble. So we need to know what the scriptures say so that we can discern when others teach things contrary to the word of God.

“For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3:3

Paul says we are the circumcision. Circumcision is a seal and sign that we are set apart for God’s use. Here the apostle speaks of a spiritual cutting away of our will. Fully surrendered, we are now instruments of God, completely submitted to His will, who worship the Lord in the Spirit and rejoice in our Savior, Jesus Christ. We have no confidence in our own flesh. All we are comes from the Father. We are nothing without Him.

Yet, if anyone would have confidence in the flesh, it was Paul. He was a Jew among Jews. Physically circumcised on the eighth day of his life, an Israelite by birth, from the tribe of Benjamin. He was a Pharisee, a Hebrew knowledgeable in the law. He had a burning desire to do God’s will, even to the point of persecuting the Church. In the eyes of his fellow Jews, he was blameless in his zeal. (verse 4-6)

All that Paul held as his great accomplishments on this earth were nothing. He had given up all thing for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ. Everything he thought was valuable was but rubbish, waste, trash, compared to the treasure he had obtained through Christ Jesus. He had surrendered all to gain Christ.

It was not by the righteous acts of the apostle that he found the Savior, but by his faith in Christ Jesus. It was not the law, but by Grace that he had been saved. And in so doing, Paul now knew Jesus and the power of His resurrection. He shared in the suffering of Christ, being conformed to His death – or rather, the world was crucified to him.

This message is for us as well. We no longer hold the world in us, but are transformed, resurrected to a new life in Christ Jesus. We risk it all, surrender everything, in order to gain this new way, this eternal life in Christ.

Yet, Paul says, even after all this, he has not obtained perfection. But he presses on so that he can grasp what Christ has set before him.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

My father once said, “Don’t let anyone or anything have dominion over you but God.”

How true a statement. No matter the past, whether it be a death, trauma, or a bad decision, do not let the past rule your future. Tragedy and trials shape us, but they do not have to define us. We are more than what has happened to us.

We cannot get discouraged by our mistakes, our failures. When we fail, we must pick ourselves up and continue on our journey. The goal is set before us. We must keep our eyes focused on the end game. We may not understand everything we face, but we should not look back. Reach forward to what lies ahead. Press on toward the goal. The prize waits.

Therefore, as you keep this in mind, walk in the light before you. You may only see a step ahead, but in faith take the next step. God will reveal what you need to know when you need to know it. Do not look at the light before others, only look upon your own. We cannot judge what other people do, or what knowledge they have obtained. That is between them and God. We must be mindful of our own light, and walk within our illumination. In this way we obtain peace with others, and grace with God.

Be careful who you set as your example. Christ is our pattern. Humans often fail, setting their minds on earthly things. Set Christ as the model for your life, for your conduct. He never fails. Remember, our citizenship is in heaven. Earth is not our home. And when Christ returns, we will be transformed to His glorious body!

“For He is able to subdue all things to Himself.”

So rejoice in the Lord, always, as you press toward the goal!

~ Susan

Are you struggling with difficulties and circumstances you do not understand? Are you wondering how God could allow bad things to happen? Have you suffered loss and are having trouble working through your grief? I have experienced these. Let me share with you a message of hope. SILENT RESOLVE AND THE GOD WHO LET ME DOWN (a 9/11 story), my true story of loss and resolution after the death of my father on September 11, 2001.

Humbled and Exalted: a Light Bearer for Christ

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Paul left us in verse one feeling a bit uneasy. If you recall, he spoke of our coming trouble, promising us that, indeed, we shall have affliction in this world. How wonderful that he did not leave off there. In Philippians chapter two, Paul begins by saying “therefore,” (or rather, because of this, what I have to say next refers to the fact that we are called to suffer with Christ) if we are to have any comfort, any consolation in Christ, in love, in fellowship of the Spirit, if we can find peace in affection and mercy, we must be like-minded, sharing the same love, united in humility, as with one mind, one motive. Nothing we do should be with selfish ambition or conceit. We must be humble, thinking of others more than ourselves. (verses 1-3)

“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

Paul tells us that we are to have the mind of Christ. So what mind does Christ have? He is equal to God, the Creator of all things, the Supreme Being who is exalted above all others. This Christ did not hesitate to lower Himself to our human form, our flawed and mortal flesh, to become a bondservant – bondservant? A slave, a person serving without payment, without reward for services rendered. Christ the Magnified became a slave in the likeness of a man. He is the epitome of humility, the most vivid example of how we should behave, to give freely of ourselves without the expectation of recognition or reward.

Yet, this humiliation was not the end of Christ’s selfless act. He went even further. Christ humbled Himself even to the point of death, and not just death, but the death of the cross.

The cross was reserved for the most-wicked of evil doers. The Romans used this form of punishment to humiliate the convicted, exhibiting the criminal naked before the public, opening them up to ridicule, as they suffered a slow and agonizing death. This is the death that Christ allowed Himself to experience, and for what? He took our place, so that we would not have to pay the penalty for our sins, if only we accept His gift.

Selflessness. Sacrifice. Humility of Heart. This is to be Christ-minded, and this is what we are called to be. And like Christ, we will be exalted for our willingness to give freely of ourselves.

Christ, because of His humility, is exalted by God. He has been given the name which is above every name, “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (verse 11)

Paul continues with another “therefore.” Since this is how we should be, selfless and humble as Christ, we are to act as we should even when we are not being observed by others. We are to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling.”

Wait – if salvation is free, why must we work out our salvation?

In other words, we are to learn the will of God in our lives ourselves. We cannot just follow blindly what others tell us to believe. The Holy Spirit is given to guide us into all knowledge and truth. We are to work through the scriptures to discover what God has to say to us. We are accountable for our own growth and development in the doctrines that guide our lives. Therefore, we are to work out our own salvation, or rather, our own walk with God.

And we are to do this with fear and trembling? Respect and reverence as is fitting for a subject to a Sovereign power. In other words, we are to be as serfs to a king, giving God our fealty, fidelity, and honor as we would the sovereign of any kingdom.

And as we do this, remember, it is God who will work in us so that we can discern His will. Through the Holy Spirit, He will give us power to do what pleases Him. (verse 13)

We must do everything we do without complaining and without debate. Wow! That is a tough one. But would it not be easier to do a task if we would hold our tongues and just do it? Even the most menial and difficult jobs we are required to do, we must accomplish without grumbling.

Why is this so important? Well, I know I do not like being around others that complain. How about you? But it is more than just that. Paul says that we are to be cheerful in our obedience that we “may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.” (verse 15)

How does it speak of our relationship with Christ is we whine about everything in our lives? Is this the life that others will desire? If we are depressed and complaining every day, will we shine upon a troubled world a message of Hope? Certainly not!

If we are called to be selfless, how then can we complain? Is not complaining an act of selfishness? Are we not putting ourselves before other people? Therefore, to grumble about anything is to put ourselves first, and this, as we have seen, is contrary to the doctrine of Christ.

We are to be blameless and harmless as we hold fast the word of life. As we live in this world that does not see Christ, we are to latch on and never let go Christ’s gospel message. We are to display His teachings in our lives so that others will come to see Christ in us. Don’t let discontent and strife cause you to become a stumbling block, or a hindrance, to the world. If we do not stand firm in our actions, attitudes, and thoughts, our labor for Christ will be in vain. Others will remember our failures, not the triumphs. In all things, have a heart that is patient, rejoicing as we run the race, so that we can shine our light upon a world that is lost in the dark.

Let your light shine today!

~ Susan

Are you struggling with difficulties and circumstances you do not understand? Are you wondering how God could allow bad things to happen? Have you suffered loss and are having trouble working through your grief? I have experienced these. Let me share with you a message of hope. SILENT RESOLVE AND THE GOD WHO LET ME DOWN (a 9/11 story), my true story of loss and resolution after the death of my father on September 11, 2001.

I Have Not Arrived

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI have not arrived

For the journey has just begun.

Oft I am weak and weary,

In the shadows, am undone.

–     –     –

I am a work in progress

The destination still in play.

Regret and disappointment

Often mar the traveled way.

–     –     –

Perfection far exceeds me

Far down the path it dwells.

Never grasping, always reaching,

All ‘round the shadow swells.

–     –     –

But in the distant twilight

Hanging in the shady nether,

A lamp is waiting yonder,

Reaching out beyond the tether.

–     –     –

Birds of carrion hover ‘round me,

At my heels, nip fear and galling.

Stumbling forward, I blunder onward,

All the while, the Master’s calling.

–     –     –

Words of comfort Jesus whispers,

In my ear, throughout the day.

“Stand thou fast and do not falter,

Darkness ends, for dawn holds sway.”

–     –     –

“Out of sorrow, hope is springing,

From your weakness, strength abounds.

Ever press you forth to journey,

Each step moves t’ward holy ground.”

–     –     –

“Soon the trials of life be over.

Then the day will e’er be won.

Rest awaits you ‘round the corner,

But for now, keep moving on.”

–     –     –

I strain to see the far illumine

I can almost hear them sing

Crying out in joyful tribute,

“Holy, holy is the King.”

–     –     –

Rest awaits me ‘round the corner,

So for now, I am revived.

I am a work in progress,

For I have not arrived.

~ Susan